I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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