Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
