I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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