she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
