You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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