I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
