did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
