I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
