I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
