well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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