my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I would ride that face into the sunset
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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