Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
