Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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