This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
