i wish my penis had a tongue
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
