Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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