mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
