saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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