just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
