I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
