Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
