I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The beer is more important than you right now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
