Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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