No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
