I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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