You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
