I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
