and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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