I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
