Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
