Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I would ride that face into the sunset
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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