There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Congratulations! We have a period
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
