I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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