I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
