Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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