never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
