My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize