If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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