I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
