You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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