her facebook's as public as her vagina
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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