Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
