I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
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