im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
