The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
