someone threw a dead crab at me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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