Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
