You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
