So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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