got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
