Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
