Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
