We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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