Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
