Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
