I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
