i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
