I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
