He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
