You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
