apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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