I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Farmville is her only friend.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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