I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
