In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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