No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize