i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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