Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize