Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
