haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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