idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
