Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
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