If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
