my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
